Friday, June 29, 2007
When Becks Met Bush
This is what happens when futbol meets football.
Frankly My Dear, I Don't Care for Flan
I get a kick out of watching broadcast versions of theatrical films and enjoying the myriad ways censors eliminate cursewords, etc., from the films' dialogue.
For example, in "Smokey and the Bandit," Jackie Gleason's character says the word "sum-bitch" about 400 times. In the broadcast version of the film, shown just about every other weekend on TBS, the censors thought it sounded better to have the character say "scum-bum." Trivia tidbit: The broadcast voice-over of Gleason's Buford T. Justice character was done by the guy who replaced Alan Reed as the voice of Fred Flintstone when Reed died in 1977.
Another one I love is in the George C. Scott film "Hardcore," where he plays a father searching for his runaway daughter who's working in the adult film industry. Anyway, Scott, posing as a casting director, conducts a series of interviews of porn stars until he finds one, a guy called Jim Sloan, who he thinks can help him find his daughter. In the theatrical version, the character introduces himself: "The name's Jim Sloan. Sometimes they call me Jizzum Jim." TV censors, in their infinite wisdom, thought it better to go without an overdub, so that, when you see it on American Movie Classics (does it not amaze everyone the SHIT that shows up on a channel purported to show CLASSICS?) you hear the character say, "The name's Jim Sloan. Sometimes they call me _________ Jim," where the blank is simply left blank (p.s. You can read the guy's lips clear as day).
So I ran across the broadcast version of "The Big Lebowski"last night, which features a scene where John Goodman destroys a car while yelling "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry." In its place, somebody thought it wise and, I might add, SENSICAL, to have Goodman say: "This is what happens when you FIGHT A STRANGER IN THE ALPS, Larry." Swear to god.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Good Things CAN Happen When You're Awake in the Middle of the Night
So I'm lying in the hospital Tuesday night after gallbladder surgery. Can't sleep a wink and the hospital's cable is, shall we say, limited. And then I come across these guys on the Carson Daley show, of which I couldn't even tell you the name. This saved an otherwise dismal night.
Friday, June 22, 2007
The OTHER Class of 2007
The local community access channel has been showing videotapes of graduation ceremonies from the city's five high schools this week, including the one I attended (not by choice). I have to admit I can't get enough of these things. Not because they're exciting viewing. Precisely the opposite.
I like watching teachers in the background falling asleep while the superintendent delivers his speech in the foreground. I like watching the senior class officers hustle through what I'm sure is a speech that took them hours to compose. I like watching them straining for meaning, trying so hard to make it a speech that everyone will remember. I like watching them fail. No lie: All the inspirational facts I took from one of our officers was that she was: A) brought to this country as a child from China; and B) not a native English speaker. I gathered this was salient detail of her speech because she repeated them about 3 times each. I'm not asking much. Throw me a freakin' bone.
So I'm proposing that commencement speeches be done away with. Here's why. Even the speech delivered this year by our friend G was, forgive me, a dud. If ever conditions were ripe for a speech that had some relevance, this was it. He was at the center of a situation that got Megan and Erin banned from the flippin' graduation ceremony, for heaven's sake. And he steps up there and talks about the importance of trust and being true to your word, etc. Noble thoughts, to be sure. But NOT what I was looking for. I understand this graduation was about the kids, not G, and this was not the forum to publicly flay the school adminsitration. But how about saying a few words to the kids about the importance of loyal friendships? The importance of distinguishing between public/private behavior? If there ever was a teachable moment, this was it. The results were underwhelming.
Funny thing: Among all this thought about graduations, this "graduation" video turned up on the network news. "And now, will all the members of the Class of 2007 stand and, with their right hands, move their tassels from the right to the left. By the power vested in me by Allah, I declare you graduates of Afghanistan's most prestigious terror training camp."
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Fare Thee Well, Hiawatha
So we packed up Megan's stuff Monday and she's off to a better life in Michigan.
It's always tough losing a friend, so I nursed my sorrow in a mug of beer when I got home.
I'm not a big believer in signs, but this one told me everything is as it should be.....
Monday, June 18, 2007
Good Luck Movin' Up 'Cause I'm Movin' Out....
The school year is over and summer vacation has begun. Still waiting for this fact to sink in, though I’ve taken serious advantage of the extra sleep time. Not sure whether this is due to the fact that the sleep time is available to me or the # of post-school-year parties and the abundance of alcohol at said parties. Let’s just say it’s been a loooong time since I’ve had two hangovers in the same long weekend.
Now begins the delightfully silly season of household tasks, vacations, etc. And moving friends who are leaving the school where I teach. A few words about this: This year has not been an easy one. From the beginning, there have been assorted grumblings that, from the start, were not indistinguishable from any other year. I think the tone was set by our principal who, at the welcome breakfast held by the PTA, told the teachers to make sure they pushed in their chairs when they left. Something has been lost in the translation; as I type these words, they sound so harmless. But I remember thinking, is this the type of thing that an adult (even one who’s in charge) should be saying to another group of adults?
Well, I’m leaving out a lot – most of which has been written about elsewhere – but suffice to say that was only the beginning of the end. But I knew things were taking a bad turn when the school’s #1 ass-kisser, the type who always raises her hand at the end of staff meetings when everyone else wants to go home, got fed up with all the data-collecting we all have been asked to do this year and asked the principal to cut back on his expectations. Reportedly, he told her he would gladly supply her with the paperwork if she wanted to apply for a transfer to another school. Ouch.
So cut to the chase: Now the year is done and the exodus, the “rapture,” as The Mayor has called it, is occurring. Not sure of the actual body count, but I can think of at least a dozen teachers I know personally who won’t be returning next year. Among the casualties (it’s hard to call it that when one believes they’re actually going to a better place – see? the metaphor holds up!) are friends: Megan, The Mayor, G and Erin. Granted, three are leaving the area with spouses/significant others. The other is moving on to a neighboring school district. But none are coincidental to the toxic atmosphere at the school. As time has gone by, this has become more difficult to handle, not easier. Not that I begrudge them for upgrading. Heaven knows I’ve been shopping myself around. But right about now, I feel like, paraphrasing John Kerry here, the last man to die for a lost cause. What will become of Cogan’s Thursday, I can’t be sure. We’ll try to keep the flame alive.