Monday, November 27, 2006

Adventures in Gels and Liquids

Returned today from a Thanksgiving cruise with my in-laws to the Bahamas. Had never been on a cruise before, let alone slept on a boat overnight, so I was fairly uncertain what to expect while at sea in a couple of respects. Motion sickness can be an issue with me (have I mentioned that before?), so I was REALLY wondering how that was going to work…being out on the rolling waves with no escape if things got really bad. As it turned out, I felt pretty decent until the last night of the cruise. More on that later.

For their part, my wife’s family behaved themselves. But I became aware of a reason why, for all of its expansion into a four-day weekend (every grownup I knew worked the day after Thanksgiving when I was growing up), this holiday will never grow beyond what it is now. If people spent, say, five days with relatives and houseguests, the murder/suicide rate in this country would SKYROCKET.

This trip was the first time I had flown since the Sept. 26 ban on gels and liquids in carry-on bags, so I was an interested observer of, as well as a participant in, the process. Before our departure, I vetted and double-vetted every item in my toiletry bag to make sure it meets the Transportation Safety Administration’s Watch List of Terrorist Health and Beauty Aids. As you’ve read, each G&L in one’s possession has to be a 3-ounce-or-smaller container and must be carried in a quart-sized zip-top baggy. I did some serious soul-searching as I packed. What does one really need to bring with them on a trip anymore? The wife and I have already eschewed checked bags because of that screening situation. This time, I left behind about a half-dozen items that I would ordinarily take, but couldn’t fit into the baggy. For the record, the TSA site is really murky on the whole solid deodorant thing. For what it’s worth, I carried a big thing of Speed Stick original scent OUTSIDE of my baggy and nobody said shit.

So there I am at the airport Thursday morning, my Baggy of Beauty and boarding pass/passport in one hand, my shoes and belt buckle in the other, waiting to see what happens. Everything is going fine and, to their credit, the Norfolk airport people are way prepared, handing out quart-sized bags to people who don’t have them. To those who needed the bags, I say verily unto them: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN SINCE SEPT. 26????? How did they miss the news reports? Or did they forget? Not sure on the thought process there.

So I get up to the conveyor and the surly security woman looks down at the bins holding my stuff, picks up my baggy, inspects it, and proclaims my packing an “A-plus-plus” effort. Then she looks at my wife and asks if she helped me do it. Now, I ask you again…how big a moron would I be if I needed help packing plastic bag of freaking toiletries? I’m not 90, for heaven’s sake. Oh wait, I forgot. Men are helpless. Just check out a TV ad for Sears tools, Hardee’s (Without us, some guys would starve) or Home Depot. Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeze.

Turns out it was a moot point anyway. The cruise ship had a full selection of toothpaste, lotion, razors, etc., in each room, plus big dispensers of shower gel and shampoo in each shower stall. Nice.

More to come…………..

Posted by Unclejbird @ 8:53 PM

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I HATE serialized stories. Where's my instant gratification? What happened on the last day?? Agh! I can't take the suspense!

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous @ 10:24 AM #
 
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