Monday, January 21, 2008
A 'Running' Gag
Had my longest training run yet today in preparation for the Flying Pig Marathon in my native Cincinnati May 4. Colder than hell outside today (no idea what the real temperature was when I left. Does it really matter when it's below freezing?) and the six-mile segment on northbound Tidewater Drive was about as enjoyable as being hit in the face repeatedly, which is what the icy north wind was doing to me the whole time. I'd like to say the westward turn that followed was a refreshing relief, but as the kids at schools say, "I ain't gon' lie." The last couple miles were a slog and there's nothing worse than finishing your route by walking home in the cold with wet clothes. A late lunch and a hot shower seem to have me in better spirits at the moment. I'm hoping the Ibuprofen I took keeps them that way.
Anybody besides me love Sniglets? I guess I never really let go of the craze when it ended (did it every really begin?) in the late-80's. Since then, I've enjoyed coming up with words that combine at least two other words in a meaningful or humorous way. Ask my English students; they'll tell you that I've been speaking my own language - one they don't understand - for years. When they allude to this, I usually want to reference Jodie Foster's "Nell," but they don't need motivation for another round of blank looks.
Anyway, I'll start a list of ones I've come up with recently. I'll ride this thing 'til the wheels fall off.
SNOCALYPSE: Snow Apocalypse. This is one I hope will catch on, especially in parts of the country where, like here, they don't get much of "The White Stuff." For example, starting on Thursday of last week, the weathercasters began talking about a coastal storm coming our way that was supposed to dump 3-6 inches of snow on us on Saturday/Sunday. This did not happen. If it had, things'd be pretty well f-ed for about a week. There probably wouldn't even be school tomorrow. I'm not even kidding. I'm sure there was a run on food staples at the store, though didn't see it here firsthand (a store in Richmond on Saturday evening was packed as the snow began to fall, though). This is what happens when your annual snowfall is less than 3 inches. And it's indicative of how seriously people take snow around here. It's as if they fear it. That's certainly the way they act when they're on the road and it starts to fall from the sky.
Editor's Note: My wife takes issue with this one, but I like the way it sounds.
SPAGHETTIQUETTE: I heard Martha Stewart answer a question today on her TV show about whether it's cool to use a spoon to twirl one's spaghetti at the table. She answered by saying, "FUCK NO!", or something to that effect. In a drunken, drug-fueled tirade, she told that questioner that you shouldn't need a spoon. Instead, she recommended twirling small portions with a fork before shoveling them into your piehole.
Anyone have good ones? Leave them in comments if so.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Another Reason My Wife is the Funniest
Email #1 from today.....
Pictured: A Frosty the Snowman cookie I put in her stocking this year for Christmas..jpg)
Email #2 from today......
Subject Line: Oh No!