Friday, January 26, 2007
A Diamond in the....
Some night when it's really dark, I might wonder why I majored in nonfiction creative writing or why I even went back to college in the first place.
When that happens, I'll think about this article. Moments like these are why writers write.
From Details magazine's take on Dustin Diamond, (Kipling, forgive me), the Man Who Would Be Screech, but who instead turned to a life of thievery and, gasp, PORN. Diamond and his girlfriend, _________ Misner, speak:
Eighteen years ago Rob Lowe practically sabotaged his career by filming himself having sex with a woman and a 16-year-old girl. Today a sex tape does more for your career than a good agent. Pam Anderson, Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, and Paris Hilton all benefited from hitting the record button. America is still the land of opportunity, but it helps if you’ve got a huge rack. “Pam Anderson’s hot, and people wanted to see her cootch,” says Diamond. “People wanted to see her cootch getting slammed. I did. Playboy had her topless, but we wanted to see her get slammed. Paris Hilton? It was to see her bob a knob. That’s all it was. And hell, yeah, it was worth 20 bucks. I don’t know what the deal is with mine—I think it’s to see the size of the wang.”
Well, yeah, that or the fact that Diamond performs the “Dirty Sanchez,” widely regarded as one of the vilest, most rarely observed sex acts. In the realm of homemade porn, it’s like seeing Bigfoot. This sense of disbelief—Screech? A porno?—is shared by some of his costars on Saved by the Bell. “I only worked closely with Dustin in his adolescent years,” says Lark Voorhies, who played Lisa Turtle, Screech’s unrequited love interest on the show, when asked about the tape. “I hadn’t believed it was true until this moment. I’ve never seen anything in him that was perverse.”
According to Diamond, the tape was made in an attempt to win a bet with some buddies who were competing to document their most outrageous sexual exploits. “I was just doing what was necessary to get the points,” he explains. Misner is sitting next to us on the couch wrapping gifts, and it feels uncomfortable talking about the tape in front of her, but Diamond insists it’s okay. “People have made it more than it really is. They make it sound like the girl is covered in poop, but yeah”—and here, he looks sheepishly over at his girlfriend-manager-agent-publicist-bouquet buyer—“there is poop in the video.”
Diamond still doesn’t know how the tape made it into the hands of David Hans Schmidt, an agent who has peddled sleazy photos of everyone from Gennifer Flowers to Colin Farrell, but thanks to a deal Diamond brokered with porn distributor Red Light District, he’s at least making money off it (though Diamond says he doesn’t know how much).
And then there’s the matter of the “wang.” The legend of Diamond’s penis started during his June 13 appearance on Howard Stern to hawk his T-shirts; at one point, he revealed he was packing more than 10 inches. Not having seen the entire sex tape, I have to ask whether this is true. Misner momentarily stops her gift-wrapping, bulges her eyes, and smiles.
My point is this: You can't make up stuff this bizarre.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Which Book are You?
Thanks to Megan for the book quiz idea.
You're Babar the King!
by Jean de Brunhoff
Though your life has been filled with struggle and sadness of late,
you're personally doing quite well for yourself. All this success brings responsibility,
though, and should not be taken lightly. Life has turned from war to peace, from damage
to reconstruction, and this brings a bright new hope for everyone you know. These hopeful
people look to you for guidance, and your best advice to them is to watch out for snakes.
You're quite fond of the name "Celeste".
COMMENT: Dammit... the name I use at The Wave has been blown!
COMMENT #2....I'm a children's book about a freakin' elephant?
COMMENT #3.....Actually, there's some truth to this.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
A Vick Family Foto Album
Good times in the parking lot of the Suffolk McDonald's.
People say Marcus will walk over anyone to succeed.
Michael Vick announces partnership with the TSA to advertise guidelines for gels and liquids in carry-on luggage. In related news, he'll be also the host of a Nickelodeon MacGyver marathon.
Monday, January 15, 2007
There's a Place for Us..........
Thought I'd post for a change....I've got some Christmas fotos I've been meaning to run. I can't do it justice, so I'll just say they're fotos from Tudor's Biscuit World, a favorite haunt of mine on our many trips home to Cincinnati. Every kind of sandwich you can think of....served on a biscuit. If you're ever on the WV Turnpike, check it out. The chain runs about as far south as Beckley and as far north as Hurricane. BONUS: If Biscuit World is closed, you can saunter over to Gino's, its sister restaurant, serving fine Italian fare. Never eaten there, I have to admit. Our favorite location, mostly because its about halfway home, is in lovely Marmet, W.Va. (Hee-Haw reference alert.....) SAAAAAAAAAA-lute.
Let the photo album begin:
Your humble author digs into a "Thundering Herd," a big ol' fried egg with bacon and cheese on a biscuit the size of a Frisbee.
The Correspondent's favorite, the "Peppy," pepperoni and cheese sauce on a biscuit. Note the glob of sauce on her thumb. Wondering if she daintily wiped that off with a napkin or...
How can you NOT love decor like this?
Trying to be all things (if all you eat is pizza and biscuits) to all people.